I have seen “confessions” blog posts or “being completely honest” blog posts frequently lately…so here’s my contribution. I’ve started several different drafts of this post and debated whether or not to even share it. It’s blunt and it’s honest…and it’s mostly me venting, so feel free to skip if you’d like.
How is it being back to work?
I hear this question frequently from people who know I've returned to work. I usually respond by saying that the transition went better than I thought it would or that it's definitely been an adjustment.
At first the novelty of being back at work was nice. I like my job and it was fun being the “star” for a little while. I received many genuine, “We’re glad you’re back!” comments. I enjoyed getting back into my routine and was feeling pretty confident about juggling work and home.
Then the adrenaline slowly wore off and reality set in. I'm not going to sugarcoat it...it's been really, really hard.
Just like being a brand-new mom, I'm also brand-new at being a working mom. It's one heck of a learning curve, one that I currently feel like I am failing miserably at. I feel like a hamster on a wheel. Get up, get ready, drop the baby off, work all day, commute, make dinner, bathtime/bedtime, cram in a few must-dos, collapse into bed...and repeat it all 7 hours later.
I feel like I have an hour a day with my son. One hour of quality time. Out of 24 in a day. I am not ok with that. He has also started to get fussy/clingy in the evenings when I have to put him down to make dinner or get something done because he just wants time with his mommy. That breaks my heart into a thousand pieces.
I am exhausted beyond belief. I have no idea how moms whose kids aren't good sleepers do it. L.J. is a good sleeper and I'm barely hanging on. He is doing much better at sleeping through the night with only a paci check midway through...and thankfully that is making a difference.
I don't just have a son to take care of and nuture...I also have a marriage. And my poor husband. God bless him, because he has taken the brunt of an overtired, overwhelmed and very grouchy wife. He is amazing and demonstrating the patience of a saint because I'm fairly certain I'm a complete pill to live with right now.
(Despite how under water I feel right now, I am incredibly thankful for Mike. He is a huge help with both household and L.J. duties. That is such an incredible blessing to me. He is very involved and I love that L.J. is going to grow up having a close relationship with his dad.)
It’s a huge adjustment and I don’t have it all figured out. I’m battling my deep-seated perfectionism because right now I can’t do everything exactly the way I want it. There is an old saying about not letting the perfect get in the way of the good, and that’s been a real struggle for me.
I'm holding on to hope that because I am new at all of this, it's going to get better. It's going to get easier. We are going to settle into a routine. I know that I still have lots to learn about how to balance everything. I’ve only been doing this for a few weeks. That’s hardly any time at all.
Have I mentioned that patience is also not my strong suit…
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