Before and After Baby: A Comparison

Before Baby: Dinner enjoyed slowly and piping hot.
After Baby: Dinner enjoyed slowly or piping hot, but usually not both.

Before Baby: “We got 3 Christmas cards in the mail today!!”
After Baby: “We got more Similac coupons!! Oh, and a Christmas card too.”

Before Baby: “Do you want to hop in the shower first or do you want me to?”
After Baby: “Oh good, you showered today. You were starting to smell like a homeless person.”
(Yes, my husband actually said that when L.J. was a few days old…he will never live it down. Ever.)

Before Baby: Toliet-related matters were discreetly handled behind closed doors.
After Baby: “I’ll hold him up if you smell him. I think he has a dirty diaper.”

Before Baby: You could hear a bookmark fall off the nightstand in the bedroom.
After Baby: “Snort, Grunt, Snuff, Snarf, HIC…HIC…HICCUP, Sigh, Grunt, HICCUP…”

Before Baby: “Uggh. Better attack the inch of dust in here before settling down.”
After Baby: Newborn snuggles win out over chores every time.

Before Baby: “Yep – you’ve got a dentist appointment Thursday, we’ve got family dinner Sunday and then you have two games next week.”
After Baby: “What day of the week is it again? And when is your next game?”

Before Baby: Leisurely Shower. Hair. Makeup. Outfit. Jewelry. Shoes.
After Baby: Lightning Shower. Lounge pants. Wet Ponytail.